“Don’t you wish your girlfriend was as great as mine; don't ya!”

OH MY GOD! Can you believe it? I am the luckiest person in the world! I have recently started a new job working with adults with learning disabilities. As part of this job I have to write regular reports where I have to note the time of when the report was written. Unfortunately up until this point I have not had a watch. Now I could have gone to Argos or the market and picked up any old watch, but that would SO not be me. Obviously any watch I have has to say something about me or be a bit different.

I have always wanted to have a rainbow watch, that was analogue, no leather strap and showed numbers. This has been like the holy grail, i.e. impossible. I have searched the Internet, ebay, regular shops and catalogues but to no avail. I even looked abroad and still did not find anything to my liking. I feared the rest of my life would be a watchless existent, or one where I would be displaying a rather dull wrist.

Well well well, my girlfriend is a genius. The sneaky minx managed to find the perfect watch and bought it for me for Christmas. She must have sold her soul to the devil or something for this information, but she did it. She had to order it all the way from America! WOW. It arrived this morning, but she was excited to give me the gift I received it as soon as I walked through the door from this mornings training. I know it was supposed to be for Xmas, but how could you let something this wonderful go unworn for another 2 months; surely that would be illegal if not immoral. So please feast your eyes on this rainbow loveliness:


So as the Pussy Cat Dolls say “don’t you wish your girlfriend was as great as mine; don't ya!”. Well something like that.

49p – Bargain

While I was perusing my local Tescos for the weekly supply of nectarines and toilet paper, I noticed that all the Halloween stuff was out in full force. Is it really so late in the year? Well apparently so. Although I shall be refraining from trick or treat on the basis that it’s awful and that I’m 31, I still wanted to indulge in some of the plastic trickery you can get for under a £1.

Much to my disappointment there was no fake blood or witches fingers available. What is happening in the world? However I did manage to buy the ‘mrs’ some black lipstick and glow in the nail polish. How good they are is yet to be tested. For myself I got some skull nails. Most of them were a bit small as they are meant for a childs hand, but for 49p I was not going to forgo this opportunity. You can pay up to £10 for a decent set of false stick on nails in Boots, but look at all this ‘quality’ for such a small price.

I am going to ignore the fact that they fell off within 30 minutes, and when I went to scratch my ear, I left one inside! oops

A stab at a social life!

In an effort to increase our social life, the ‘mrs’ heard on the radio there was going to be a murder mystery play at a local church. The audience would be in teams, and try and guess the murder over a ploughman’s dinner. All this fun for only £4 each, so we decided to go. We had invited a couple of friends so we could be a super sloothy team of 4, but unfortunately when we got there we received a text to say they had been locked out of their house and couldn’t come.

We sat in the car for ages outside this church wondering what to do. Was it going to be filled with white middle class bible goers who might get a bit of a shock when we walk in with our rainbow bags and hats? After much deliberation we decided to go in; after all just think of the experiences you could miss if you don’t be brave and jump in. Leaving the car we made our way cautiously to the door of the church. The door was closed. Should we knock? Should be just barge in leading to the silence as everyone turns round? We opened the door tentatively and was greeted by a very smiley vicar man; rather camp with a bright red nose. It wouldn’t be right for me to assume he had been a bit too liberal with the communal wine!

We were asked what name had we booked under. Booked? I rang up for some information but didn’t know I had actually booked. The vicar man then said ‘ah Kate isn’t it’? He was either psychic or we were the only ones there who were not part of the established church going clientele. We were shown to our table which had a sticker on it with my name on; ah how sweet. On the table we had scrap pieces of paper to make notes throughout the play, and a guess sheet to lay down our ideas on who the evil murderer was. Then the vicar stood up and starting talking about how this was a novel way to celebrate Harvest Festival. What? This was Harvest Festival?? What happened to just donating a tin of peas at the back of the cupboard. Oh no, we were trapped. The doors had been shut. Still we were here now, so we should make the best of it and enjoy the live theatre.

The play started. It had obviously been a quick production because all the actors where reading from scripts. The acoustics in the church meant the words were pretty inaudible. I had no idea what was going on, and didn’t even realise when someone had been murdered! I tried, I really did, but I just ended up using the scrap paper to pass notes to the ‘mrs’ like when you were in class at school. It’s amazing how much you want to giggle and release gas when you are not allowed to. In short the play was awful, but they were trying hard bless em’. My favourite character was the oldest member of the cast who kept forgetting where she was supposed to be and jumped every time one of the prop people let off a noise, like a car horn. Bless!

During this long hour, while getting a numb bum, we were thinking about ways we could leave without being too suspicious. Soon there would be a break for a ploughmans so maybe we could slip out then. But what excuse could we give? Well we could pretend that our friends were still stuck as the locksmith had failed to materialise. That sounded plausible. At the break we were handed a paper plate with a role, two blocks of cheese, a cherry tomato and some lettuce. It was time for our escape, but not before I had eaten the bread. Hey this evening had cost me £9 with the tickets and the obligatory raffle tickets, so I was going to eat my bread.


After this the ‘mrs’ made a telephone call to her friend to see how she was getting on, making sure the table next to us heard the words “do you need rescuing?”. The reality was the locksmith had arrived and they were inside, but mrs nosey britches next door didn’t need to know that. Gathering our stuff we made our way out. Just as we got to the door we were accosted by the vicar man, to whom we regaled the story of the friends left out in the cold. We thanked him for a lovely evening and were given a booklet about the church, with an invitation to not be a stranger. We then took our chance and escaped. We had lied to a vicar. Shall we be going to hell? I don’t believe in hell so I am going to say no, after all he’s just a man in a frock. So it would be like lying to a drag queen surely?

After this we made our way to our friends house for some diet coke and chats. So after all it was an interesting social evening, that we can laugh about.