The Freedom to Whiz

At Brighton Pride last week the ‘mrs’ and I bought a device called the ‘Whiz Freedom’. What is this I hear you cry? Have you ever been to festivals and have to queue forever to use the ladies loos while the men just pop in and out of the urinals? Have you ever been caught out desperate for a wee in a car and have had nowhere to stop? Have you ever been camping and wished you could just pee in the bushes than trudging your way to the toilet block? Well I have! Hence the purchase of the Whiz Freedom.

As you can see it’s a rubber device which goes over the lady bits and enables one to direct ones pee. If you want to pee in a bush you can (although toilets are always preferable). At pride they had women’s urinals which were virtually empty and used such technology. We have had a bit of a practise with pretty good results. Now you men have had a lifetime to perfect the art of a good pee, fine tuning the direct, angle and force so more practise will be needed. Generally we have been very successful during our practises, except the time I forgot to actually pull my pyjamas bottoms down and actually widdled inside my trousers. Oh well, we live and learn.

So no more crouching exposing ones bottom to the air, and no more splash back on your shoes! I know it seems rather odd, but is a really good idea. The website is: http://www.whizproducts.co.uk/en/product_shop.aspx

Check out the ‘gift sets’! I assume people would actually give this as a gift!!!

And the winner is…..BUDGET TOOTHPASTE!!

For years and years and maybe a few more years, I had always been put off by the idea of shops own budget toothpaste, thinking that the product was less likely to contain these magic ingredients always splashed over the adverts for Colgate and Aquafresh! However I have recently discovered that most of these ‘posh’ and very expensive toothpastes are not actually approved by the British Dental Health Foundation . This is the leading UK-based independent oral health charity and aims to help people improve their oral health (ooo go them).

Anyway it was highlighted (thanks ‘mrs’) that there are some toothpastes out there which are approved; denoted by this logo.

One of these approved products is Tescos own. They do a huge range of own brand toothpastes most of which are approved (worth double checking the back). The best thing for me, is this toothpaste is literally a quarter of the price of well known brands like Colgate. So GO budget GO! Good for me, my teeth and my wallet.

Sorry if this sounds like an advert, but thought I would share this news with the world. Happy brushing!

Calling all fellow crap magnets!

“So what is a crap magnet?”, I hear you cry. Is it that I attract all the bad things in life? Is it that emotionally I put up with a lot of negativity? Is it that I succumb to bad karma? Actually none of the above. I am a genuinely a magnet for little bits of crap.

I am forever finding foreign matter about my person, especially my face, probably due to the twice daily application of moisturiser acting like fly paper. Aside from the constant awareness of walking out of the house looking like I have been dipped in hundreds and thousands, I have come to regard the discovery of random and unusual specs of crap to be an adventure. Not on the same scale as Indiana Jones, but I feel his excitement is on a par with mine.

So what sort of things have I found during this life long adventure:

* Bits of flaky skin (well who doesn’t)
* Random bogey or two
* Feathers
* Fluff
* Dust (human created and those generated from sanding)
* Paint (including primer, undercoat, gloss, emulsion)
* Sand
* Stones
* Woodlouse
* Food
* Bits of leaf
* Grass
* Straw
* Biro / pen marks
* Unexplained cuts and bruises (although technically already attached, is still an exciting discovery)
* A dead caterpillar once found in my underwear after a day of super speed go kart racing through fields.

So how does one cope with being such a magnet? My best advice is to, like me, have a partner who is happy to pick from you like a monkey mother (as long as they don’t eat what they find). Alternatively keep a small mirror in your pocket handy, otherwise you might misinterpret looks you get in the street as ‘cor I fancy them’ as opposed to ‘look at the feather on their noggin’!

I would be happy to hear from any other crap collectors!

*Happy picking*