“So what is a crap magnet?”, I hear you cry. Is it that I attract all the bad things in life? Is it that emotionally I put up with a lot of negativity? Is it that I succumb to bad karma? Actually none of the above. I am a genuinely a magnet for little bits of crap.
I am forever finding foreign matter about my person, especially my face, probably due to the twice daily application of moisturiser acting like fly paper. Aside from the constant awareness of walking out of the house looking like I have been dipped in hundreds and thousands, I have come to regard the discovery of random and unusual specs of crap to be an adventure. Not on the same scale as Indiana Jones, but I feel his excitement is on a par with mine.
So what sort of things have I found during this life long adventure:
* Bits of flaky skin (well who doesn’t)
* Random bogey or two
* Feathers
* Fluff
* Dust (human created and those generated from sanding)
* Paint (including primer, undercoat, gloss, emulsion)
* Sand
* Stones
* Woodlouse
* Food
* Bits of leaf
* Grass
* Straw
* Biro / pen marks
* Unexplained cuts and bruises (although technically already attached, is still an exciting discovery)
* A dead caterpillar once found in my underwear after a day of super speed go kart racing through fields.
So how does one cope with being such a magnet? My best advice is to, like me, have a partner who is happy to pick from you like a monkey mother (as long as they don’t eat what they find). Alternatively keep a small mirror in your pocket handy, otherwise you might misinterpret looks you get in the street as ‘cor I fancy them’ as opposed to ‘look at the feather on their noggin’!
I would be happy to hear from any other crap collectors!
*Happy picking*
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