I'm A Widow - WAAAA!

That is a football widow! According the wikepedia (a source of much time wasting), a football widow is “is a term for those who have a relationship with a sports fan”; this is me!

Being a supportive and loving partner I have tried to enter into the spirit by watching my first game a few weeks ago. I did everything I was supposed to. I had a bungey sofa, some alcohol, pizza and chocolate. I had practised some phrases given to me by friends and the ‘mrs’, such as “Chelsea, you cheating bastards”, “oi ref. are you blind”, “ooo that was off-side” and “how can you justify your salary”. I tried to make appropriate “oo” and “ah” noises when the ball was near the net thing, despite not knowing which colour I was supposed to be rooting for. Despite all my efforts and revision, the most positive thing I can say about that football match was how lovely the lawns man had kept the pitch.

What I really don’t understand about football is there is so much of the bloody stuff. I settled down a few weeks ago to the FA cup final. “Cool”, I thought, the final, so no more football. But wouldn’t you know it, the following week was the Champions League final; another final! Yet again this evening there is even more of the stuff on the telly with a ‘friendly’ between England and Brazil. What does that actually mean? Does it mean they all swap phone numbers and share a bowl of jelly and ice cream at half time?

On that matter where are the oranges at half time? I suppose these overpaid high flyers now have high tech oranges made by Microsoft!

Now I am not complaining that she has a love of football, after all I have some hobbies that she doesn’t share; such as covering my food with Canderel. In the words of Belinda Carlisle; “oo heaven is a place on Earth”. As a side point, can you believe she is going to be 50 next year; fancy that!

Anyway I don’t begrudge her interest in football, as I know that if it came down to it I would take priority…..HA, IN YA FACE BECKHAM! O.k. well maybe not Beckham as she thinks he’s such a pretty boy, and has expressed a desire to have him as a house ornament along with Justin Timberlake. We could empty out their skulls, drill holes in their heads and have human condiments – cool!

So please, when you’re sitting enjoying your football, pies and larger, spare a thought of us widows out there!