Now to some, the idea of sitting inside a piece of canvas during a gale on the edge of the north sea may not appeal to everyone……although to be honest at 4am when I am unable to sleep having had half the tent collapse resulting upon being rained on from inside, I was not very enthusiastic. Having ones tent pitched right on the seas edge in John O’Groats in a gale, knowing that the only thing holding it down is your ample bottom, was probably not very wise. However life is an adventure! So why all this out-doorsey stuff then?
With the ‘mrs’ having a week off work, and me being a temporary unemployed bum, we decided to take this opportunity for a bit of travelling. Liking a bit of spontaneity I suggested driving to the top of the country and beyond; as you do. So with tent, sleeping bag, gas cooker, and blow up mattress in tow, off we go for our camping adventure.
Generally I LOVE camping. I love sitting outside on my camping chair, sipping tea from my camping mug, made on the camping stove, resting on the camping table and just sitting and observing the wonders of nature. However when ‘nature’ consists of gale force winds and rain, coupled with running out of gas (only managing 2 cups of tea and some super noodles), it sort of looses it’s charm. Still a good time was had by all I feel, and the novelty of sleeping fully clothed adorning woolly hats (£1 from Woolworths; woo hoo) is not an experience to be missed!
In all seriousness, I had oodles of fun, and generated many amusing stories for dinner parties. Note to self: I must get some friends to have or be invited to dinner parties!
Monday, 14 May 2007
Ukraine was robbed
Why do I keep doing this to myself – watching the Eurovision Song Contest! I love the cheese, the camp, the terrible music, the costumes, the embarrassing commentary, oh just everything. BUT the voting is just a waste of time, and leaves me at the end of the evening so disillusioned. I can not think of a better reason to opt out of Europe completely!
For those hardened Eurovision fans who were keeping a score sheet, did ANYONE have Serbia as the winner? My score sheet and that of the ‘mrs’ CLEARLY states that the Ukraine should have won. How can a silver wearing Christopher Biggins look-a-like transvestite doing German dance music NOT win. Do people have no taste?
I felt the UK was treated very unfairly. It scored fairly high with me. It was catchy, camp with cheesy costumes and dance routines. I bet if some ex Russian state from the back of beyond entered it, it would have wiped the floor with the competition. If we are hated so much why do we bother? O.K. Ireland did rubbish too; but come on, they were ultra PANTS.
Many years ago the voting was changed from a panel vote to a public one, so it wouldn’t be as political….it’s now WORSE than ever! All the eastern countries voting for each other with the western countries not even getting a look in. With so many countries competing maybe there should be an eastern and a western eurovision song contest?
I am not bitter that the UK lost; they didn’t deserve to win. But COME ON, how can anyone sit back and think this to be fair.
O.K. rant over…………grrrrrrrrrrrr!!
For those hardened Eurovision fans who were keeping a score sheet, did ANYONE have Serbia as the winner? My score sheet and that of the ‘mrs’ CLEARLY states that the Ukraine should have won. How can a silver wearing Christopher Biggins look-a-like transvestite doing German dance music NOT win. Do people have no taste?
I felt the UK was treated very unfairly. It scored fairly high with me. It was catchy, camp with cheesy costumes and dance routines. I bet if some ex Russian state from the back of beyond entered it, it would have wiped the floor with the competition. If we are hated so much why do we bother? O.K. Ireland did rubbish too; but come on, they were ultra PANTS.Many years ago the voting was changed from a panel vote to a public one, so it wouldn’t be as political….it’s now WORSE than ever! All the eastern countries voting for each other with the western countries not even getting a look in. With so many countries competing maybe there should be an eastern and a western eurovision song contest?
I am not bitter that the UK lost; they didn’t deserve to win. But COME ON, how can anyone sit back and think this to be fair.
O.K. rant over…………grrrrrrrrrrrr!!
My life is over!
O.K. this might seem a tad over dramatic, but when you hear the terrible news you will understand my pain. MARS HAVE STARTED TO USE ANIMAL PRODUCTS IN THEIR CHOCOLATE!
As a devote vegetarian of nearly 15 years, the idea that the evil powers-that-be are going to deny me the indulgent joy of a snickers, maltesers, bounty, minstrels is just too much for one person to cope with. Why did this happen?
Apparently the sources used by Masterfood have changed and so will now be using whey powder used from non vegetarian cheese production as a bulking agent. In order to produce cheese, a coagulant is added which separates the milk solids (curds) from the liquid (whey). The coagulant commonly used is rennet, which is an enzyme extracted from the lining of a calf’s (yea baby moos) stomach……niiiiiiiiiiiiice!
In this day-and-age where 9% of the population are vegetarian, and many people avoid animal products for personal reasons and various faiths, it makes NO economical sense to ‘de-vegetarianise’ a product. I delight when a product which by rights need not have animal derived products in (such as crisps and ice cream), becomes vegetarian, such as polos and Doritos to name a few, but I rarely have seen a product revert back!
Apparently anything with a best before 1st October 2007 will still be veggie, so if anyone wants to buy me a gift, I will have 5,000 snickers and a HUGE freezer please! Sweety companies already deny me skips crisps, ferrero rocher and refresher sweets; when will the assault stop? Did I do something really evil in a previous life that I am being punished for?
I must leave now, before I am blinded by the tears of my pain. *sniff*
As a devote vegetarian of nearly 15 years, the idea that the evil powers-that-be are going to deny me the indulgent joy of a snickers, maltesers, bounty, minstrels is just too much for one person to cope with. Why did this happen?
Apparently the sources used by Masterfood have changed and so will now be using whey powder used from non vegetarian cheese production as a bulking agent. In order to produce cheese, a coagulant is added which separates the milk solids (curds) from the liquid (whey). The coagulant commonly used is rennet, which is an enzyme extracted from the lining of a calf’s (yea baby moos) stomach……niiiiiiiiiiiiice!
In this day-and-age where 9% of the population are vegetarian, and many people avoid animal products for personal reasons and various faiths, it makes NO economical sense to ‘de-vegetarianise’ a product. I delight when a product which by rights need not have animal derived products in (such as crisps and ice cream), becomes vegetarian, such as polos and Doritos to name a few, but I rarely have seen a product revert back!
Apparently anything with a best before 1st October 2007 will still be veggie, so if anyone wants to buy me a gift, I will have 5,000 snickers and a HUGE freezer please! Sweety companies already deny me skips crisps, ferrero rocher and refresher sweets; when will the assault stop? Did I do something really evil in a previous life that I am being punished for?
I must leave now, before I am blinded by the tears of my pain. *sniff*
Saturday, 28 April 2007
Bungey – lead by example
Not content to wait until the bank holiday weekend, I have gone ahead and indulged in the art of bungey all today. I was up late last night just chatting and laughing with the ‘mrs’; until 2am! Now for anyone who knows me, they know I am no party animal, so a 2pm bed time is the equivalent to some serious raving – I felt so young (despite the truth on the birth certificate).
Anyway despite the late night, I was wide awake at 8am, but yet not ready to embrace the day. Leaving the ‘mrs’ in bed, I proceeded to the lounge sofa in my pyjamas and settled down under my magic blanket and watched not 1, not 2 but 3 episodes of an American series called ‘Bones’. The premise is a bit cheesy; “A cynical and lonely forensic anthropologist and a cocky FBI agent partner up to solve long-ago murders” and some of the science is questionable, but good entertainment all the same. After much consumption of crap (Pringles, ice cream and chocolate) ably assisted by the ‘mrs’, I discovered a triple marathon of….Bones! HURRAH!!! I am taking bungey to the extreme (I like to live life on the edge).
It’s 4.30pm and I have still not prized myself out of my pyjamas, but I have a feeling that my bungey experience has not yet concluded, especially as I have ‘homemade’ tacos (well they came in a yellow box) to consume and there's a Doris Day film on at 4:50 that I have never seen (a fact which I thought was an impossibility) .
So what have I learned today to enrich myself or the world? Apart from learning that doing nothing all day is incredibly tiring, I have learned some quality relationship advice. BEFORE moving in with the girlfriend or boyfriend, check their status with regards to Sky plus!
Anyway despite the late night, I was wide awake at 8am, but yet not ready to embrace the day. Leaving the ‘mrs’ in bed, I proceeded to the lounge sofa in my pyjamas and settled down under my magic blanket and watched not 1, not 2 but 3 episodes of an American series called ‘Bones’. The premise is a bit cheesy; “A cynical and lonely forensic anthropologist and a cocky FBI agent partner up to solve long-ago murders” and some of the science is questionable, but good entertainment all the same. After much consumption of crap (Pringles, ice cream and chocolate) ably assisted by the ‘mrs’, I discovered a triple marathon of….Bones! HURRAH!!! I am taking bungey to the extreme (I like to live life on the edge).
It’s 4.30pm and I have still not prized myself out of my pyjamas, but I have a feeling that my bungey experience has not yet concluded, especially as I have ‘homemade’ tacos (well they came in a yellow box) to consume and there's a Doris Day film on at 4:50 that I have never seen (a fact which I thought was an impossibility) .
So what have I learned today to enrich myself or the world? Apart from learning that doing nothing all day is incredibly tiring, I have learned some quality relationship advice. BEFORE moving in with the girlfriend or boyfriend, check their status with regards to Sky plus!
Tuesday, 24 April 2007
The pursuit for the perfect ‘Bungey’
I have spent a lifetime in search of the perfect bungey. Unlike what many of you might think, in ‘my world’ bungey IS NOT the art of throwing oneself off a cliff tied to some knicker elastic. Bungey is not a thing, a place, or an action…..it’s a feeling. After a lifetime of using this word, I have recently come to the conclusion, that at some point in my life, I made it up. Out of those surveyed about ‘bungey’, 0% shared my meaning.
Let me explain the joy that is bungey.
Have you ever woken up in the morning in your own time (no alarms or other disturbances), happy in the knowledge that you have nothing to get up for? Take this feeling and couple it with being super comfortable in your bed, regardless as to what position you lie in. Now grab the top of the duvet and cuddle into it. This idea of feeling enveloped by comfort, relaxation and no stress is the essence of being bungey; as demonstrated below:
Let me explain the joy that is bungey.
Have you ever woken up in the morning in your own time (no alarms or other disturbances), happy in the knowledge that you have nothing to get up for? Take this feeling and couple it with being super comfortable in your bed, regardless as to what position you lie in. Now grab the top of the duvet and cuddle into it. This idea of feeling enveloped by comfort, relaxation and no stress is the essence of being bungey; as demonstrated below:
Being bungey is not isolated to the bedroom. A typical ‘bungey day’ may involve staying in your pyjamas, lying on the sofa cuddled up to a loved one, watching DVD’s under a blanket with a box of maltesers close at hand. No stress, no responsibility, extreme comfort (usually provided by something tactile like a blanket, duvet, dressing gown or over sized jumper) and relaxation.
Now do not use the word ‘relaxation’ interchangeably with bungey (it is against the law). You could be sitting by a river, fishing and feeling perfectly relaxed and at peace BUT YOU ARE NOT BUNGEY. However if you were lying down on the bank under a blanket listening to the water, this has bungey potential.
With another glorious bank holiday looming before us, I demand you put your best foot forward and practise the art of bungey. For some, this may take practise. For me it has taken years of slobbery to become a black belt master in bungey; so don’t be down if you don’t achieve full bungey status straight away.
Good luck on your quest
Now do not use the word ‘relaxation’ interchangeably with bungey (it is against the law). You could be sitting by a river, fishing and feeling perfectly relaxed and at peace BUT YOU ARE NOT BUNGEY. However if you were lying down on the bank under a blanket listening to the water, this has bungey potential.
With another glorious bank holiday looming before us, I demand you put your best foot forward and practise the art of bungey. For some, this may take practise. For me it has taken years of slobbery to become a black belt master in bungey; so don’t be down if you don’t achieve full bungey status straight away.
Good luck on your quest
Monday, 23 April 2007
Calling all fellow crap magnets!
“So what is a crap magnet?”, I hear you cry. Is it that I attract all the bad things in life? Is it that emotionally I put up with a lot of negativity? Is it that I succumb to bad karma? Actually none of the above. I am a genuinely a magnet for little bits of crap.
I am forever finding foreign matter about my person, especially my face, probably due to the twice daily application of moisturiser acting like fly paper. Aside from the constant awareness of walking out of the house looking like I have been dipped in hundreds and thousands, I have come to regard the discovery of random and unusual specs of crap to be an adventure. Not on the same scale as Indiana Jones, but I feel his excitement is on a par with mine.
So what sort of things have I found during this life long adventure:
* Bits of flaky skin (well who doesn’t)
* Random bogey or two
* Feathers
* Fluff
* Dust (human created and those generated from sanding)
* Paint (including primer, undercoat, gloss, emulsion)
* Sand
* Stones
* Woodlouse
* Food
* Bits of leaf
* Grass
* Straw
* Biro / pen marks
* Unexplained cuts and bruises (although technically already attached, is still an exciting discovery)
* A dead caterpillar once found in my underwear after a day of super speed go kart racing through fields.
So how does one cope with being such a magnet? My best advice is to, like me, have a partner who is happy to pick from you like a monkey mother (as long as they don’t eat what they find). Alternatively keep a small mirror in your pocket handy, otherwise you might misinterpret looks you get in the street as ‘cor I fancy them’ as opposed to ‘look at the feather on their noggin’!
I would be happy to hear from any other crap collectors!
*Happy picking*
I am forever finding foreign matter about my person, especially my face, probably due to the twice daily application of moisturiser acting like fly paper. Aside from the constant awareness of walking out of the house looking like I have been dipped in hundreds and thousands, I have come to regard the discovery of random and unusual specs of crap to be an adventure. Not on the same scale as Indiana Jones, but I feel his excitement is on a par with mine.
So what sort of things have I found during this life long adventure:
* Bits of flaky skin (well who doesn’t)
* Random bogey or two
* Feathers
* Fluff
* Dust (human created and those generated from sanding)
* Paint (including primer, undercoat, gloss, emulsion)
* Sand
* Stones
* Woodlouse
* Food
* Bits of leaf
* Grass
* Straw
* Biro / pen marks
* Unexplained cuts and bruises (although technically already attached, is still an exciting discovery)
* A dead caterpillar once found in my underwear after a day of super speed go kart racing through fields.
So how does one cope with being such a magnet? My best advice is to, like me, have a partner who is happy to pick from you like a monkey mother (as long as they don’t eat what they find). Alternatively keep a small mirror in your pocket handy, otherwise you might misinterpret looks you get in the street as ‘cor I fancy them’ as opposed to ‘look at the feather on their noggin’!
I would be happy to hear from any other crap collectors!
*Happy picking*
Thursday, 19 April 2007
Is it really homemade?
While I ponder over another brew, beautifully house in my 'I hate diets' mug, while the rainbow one is waiting to be washed, I enjoy my Bart Simpson strawberry (allegedly) ice lolly. During this time I consider the notion of 'what is homemade'?
I, like many other people in the country am not a good cook; a fact confirmed by the look of dread on my best friend face when invited round for dinner. I am however, a good compiler; you know, some veg here, a jar of sauce there and a bit of pasta.....but a cook, I am not. This afternoon I have been in the kitchen trying to make a 'homemade' lasagne, however due to the heat in the kitchen and my laziness, I decided to opt for jars; 1 of budget bolognese sauce, 1 of of white sauce and 1 of cheese sauce. Aside from cooking a bit of veg, and grating some cheese, everything else was made by Asda! Could I really consider this homemade, when all I did was compile?
If I put a part baked roll in the oven, I would not have audacity to call the warm rounded blobs of heaven, homemade. So what is the definition.
I read somewhere (o.k. that’s a lie, it was probably on the television), that a restaurant only has to add one ingredient to call the food homemade. This could be as little as adding salt to a tin of soup. Surely this is fraud?!?!
If anyone has any knowledge on the subject I would love to be informed.
Yet again, I shall leave you to ponder
I, like many other people in the country am not a good cook; a fact confirmed by the look of dread on my best friend face when invited round for dinner. I am however, a good compiler; you know, some veg here, a jar of sauce there and a bit of pasta.....but a cook, I am not. This afternoon I have been in the kitchen trying to make a 'homemade' lasagne, however due to the heat in the kitchen and my laziness, I decided to opt for jars; 1 of budget bolognese sauce, 1 of of white sauce and 1 of cheese sauce. Aside from cooking a bit of veg, and grating some cheese, everything else was made by Asda! Could I really consider this homemade, when all I did was compile?
If I put a part baked roll in the oven, I would not have audacity to call the warm rounded blobs of heaven, homemade. So what is the definition.
I read somewhere (o.k. that’s a lie, it was probably on the television), that a restaurant only has to add one ingredient to call the food homemade. This could be as little as adding salt to a tin of soup. Surely this is fraud?!?!
If anyone has any knowledge on the subject I would love to be informed.
Yet again, I shall leave you to ponder
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